Well, I'm ashamed to admit I had a monster mom moment today. And I'll happily blame it on the two hour delay we had. Now, a delay in and of itself is enough to throw any mom into a tailspin; but tag that delay onto a snow day from the PREVIOUS day, and you've got a recipe for a meltdown.
I sort of figured we'd be delayed, as the big puffy flakes were flying. And of course, the children who generally have to be woke with a clashing symbol bonging in their ears, were already up and about, on their own accord, at the crack of dawn. With no official "snow day" being declared, this simply meant that I now had 3 school age kids with ample (so THEY thought) time on their hands. There were projects to be started (Melanie started crafting), breakfasts to be made (Steph decided to make pancakes, since "we have SO much time") and computer games to be tackled (Ryan has been trying his hand at his class computer homework). HOWEVER, no one (ME INCLUDED!) seems to take into account the severe time warp that happens with a two hour delay. Just as you get into that "leisurely snow day" mode, suddenly, you have 10 minutes to bus time and OF COURSE, everyone needs full snow gear (not to mention, they all need to at least be out of their pj's!) And add in one little 4 year old pouting that kids have to go to school NOW?!?!?
So, thus begins the chaos, the yelling, the escalating yelling, until I snap when I realize Steph is wearing the (somehow) only pair of girl ear muffs we have and they are, of course, her sister's earmuffs. Aside from trying to figure out where the 6 other pairs are (which I'm sure will be unearthed when the tundra mountains of snow melts), I'm now at my breaking point because we are not only having a yelling match about getting to the bus, but now I'm intervening in a sister issue.
See, the problem here (aside from that blasted two hour delay!) is that I'm the mom, the grown up one. But some where in the midst of the morning, I forgot that. And I too found myself knee deep in projects, just like my kiddos did. THINKING I'd have plenty of time to "git 'er done" before their departure. And then, when the madness erupted, I REALLY forgot how to be the grown up and had a plain old fashioned temper tantrum because things weren't going my way. Do you see where I'm going here?
How many times have I had to humble myself to ask my kids' forgiveness for the mess ups I have? And how many times do they simply wrap their little arms around me, in the most tender of ways, and tell me of course they still love me. Even though I don't deserve it. Wow.
Don't get me wrong; they were being little buggers this morning. No doubt about it. They were itchin' for some serious mommy crankiness to be unleashed because of their behaviors. But instead of me being able to stay the adult, I immediately went right on down to the level of a 9 year old who was having a "moment".
Lori and I are doing a bible study via the power of the internet, and one of things she challenged us to do (Kudos, Lor!) was to find our "psalm phrase"; the phrase from our "psalm prescription" that we can go to in those moments of explosive madness to reign it in before we react. I haven't found it yet. Just bein' honest here. Lord knows I would've used it this morning. Perhaps God will put it on my heart tonight! But it'll still be up to ME to call upon God and that phrase; it'll be up to me to make that choice to go to that place of peace BEFORE I react. Which is EXACTLY what I ask of my kids when they are having an emotional meltdown; I tell them to pull it together first so I can understand what it is that they need. Ironic that I don't take my own direction.
Of course, it'd be so much easier if the school day delay hadn't happened. But I'm smart enough (or at least experienced enough in motherhood) to know something else would have been the trigger, at some point in our day together. How do I know? Because it's simply part of parenthood, of childhood, and let's face it, it's part of life. We were never promised to be happy all the time, that things would always go our way, that some cranky someone wouldn't interrupt our day. But we were promised joy in our everyday, if we seek it. That's my prayer tonight: to seek the joy in the everyday, to be grateful for the awesome ability of my kids to forgive me so easily, to be assured that it will most likely all happen again tomorrow (God willing) and I'll have the chance to choose a different response-the better response-and I'll make the wise choice next time.
Oh, and please Lord.....no more 2 hour delays. I'm just asking for the whole kit and caboodle, please....either give me a snow day or nothin' at all!
Seeking JOY in my days,